I love hosting people over for meals, and over time it’s become second nature to me. I noticed a recurring question from friends and readers about the basics of hosting. Wanting to learn more, I posed a question on Instagram asking what hosting topics you’d like me to cover. Time and time again, people have asked me how to plan a dinner party—especially how to decide who to invite among different groups of friends who don’t know each other.
With so many questions about how to start hosting in the first place, I wanted to share my tips on how to plan a dinner party at home. This includes how to create a guest list, how to set the date, and how to send out invitations. These initial steps may seem simple, but they often trip people up and prevent them from hosting at all.
I hope this post removes some of the barriers that prevent many people from planning dinner parties (or brunches, or happy hours, or simple afternoon gatherings) and connecting with the people in their lives.
If you’re looking forward to more hosting content, my friend Lisa and I are launching an entertaining series on Wit & Delight later this month. We’ll be diving into how to host different types of gatherings at home. In each post, we’ll share everything you need to know to make hosting easier, including a schedule for the day before and the day before, a detailed grocery list, and recipes for each menu item. Stay tuned!
How to Plan a Dinner Party in 3 Simple Steps
1. Create a guest list
Ask yourself some questions.
Before creating your guest list, ask yourself a few questions. The first is, how many people can I comfortably host? This question takes into account constraints such as space in your home, time in your schedule, and how much you want to budget. I always think it’s better to invite fewer people (usually two to four) than a large group. I’d rather talk to everyone in my own home!
Next, ask yourself, What do I want to get out of the event? This question helps me decide what I want the gathering to look like and who I want to invite. Your answer might be one of the following (or something else entirely):
Build new relationships Strengthen the relationships I already have Merge friend groups
Create your guest list
Here are some ways you can do this, based on your answers to the questions above.
If your goal is to build new relationships, consider inviting up to four people you don’t have close relationships with yet. If your goal is to strengthen relationships you already have, consider inviting one or two close friends. If your goal is to build groups of friends, consider inviting five or so people from different social circles who you think would enjoy getting to know each other.
Guest List Examples
To highlight what different guest lists look like, here are some examples of gatherings I’ve hosted.
Host people from different friend groups.
My goal with this type of event is to push my friends (and myself) out of their comfort zone and give them the opportunity to connect with people they might enjoy being around.
I make sure to keep the number of guests at these events to no more than five (six including me). I find that any more than six makes it difficult for everyone to get to know each other. Six is the perfect number for group conversations and side conversations.
Hosting two families from the children’s school.
My goal on this occasion was for Joe and I to get to know a few of the couples we would be interacting with at school on a personal level.
I kept the guest list to just a couple so that it would be easier to communicate with everyone present. Having more than one couple would mean we would be talking in small groups rather than fully communicating.
We decided as a group to have our kids over for this dinner for the same reason: we wanted the kids to get to know each other better too. In this case, one family had an older sibling who was “in charge” of the kids while we ate. We split the adult menu cooking between the families and ordered pizza for the kids instead of having them eat the same meal with us.
Host a core group of friends.
My goal with this type of event is to meet people I love in a relaxed atmosphere.
On a recent occasion, I invited a group of college friends I hadn’t seen in a while. I kept the guest list to four (five of whom were me), which seemed small enough to get to know everyone.
Host a single friend (or couple) for a simple meal.
My goal with this type of event is to truly connect with this person (or couple).
This is an example of a type of hosting that I do a lot—and that I think people forget or ignore. These simple occasions are how I maintain close relationships with the key friends in my life. The meal is usually very simple, like a hearty soup or a big bowl of warm pasta.
2. Make an appointment
Once you have your guest list figured out, pick a date. If I’m hosting a more elaborate gathering, I’ll usually choose a weekend. If I’m hosting something simple, a weeknight is a good option.
I might pick one date based on what works for me and what I think will work for the people I’m inviting. Or I’ll pick a few dates that work for me and then send a short list of options to the guests, so they can participate based on their availability. If it’s a new group of people I don’t host regularly, I’ll likely send a few options. If it’s a close group of friends, I’ll likely simply pick a date.
Remember, as a host, you are in charge. Don’t be afraid to make the big decisions! While it’s sometimes necessary to submit options rather than make decisions yourself, I find crowdsourcing preferences can be overwhelming. Part of the host’s role is to guide things, not just on the day itself but throughout the planning process.
3. Send the invitation
How to send an invitation
My recommendation: Keep invitations simple! I always send the invitation via a simple text message. This is what it looks like:
If the people I’m inviting already know each other, I’ll usually send a group text. If they don’t know each other, I’ll text each person individually and list who’s there so they know who’s going to be there. Once everyone’s confirmed, I’ll merge the text thread so I can keep everyone updated on the details. Since everyone is already on the same text thread, new acquaintances can skip the step of swapping numbers if they want to reconnect after the party. If I’m hosting a more elaborate gathering with a large group (which is rare), I’ll consider another route like sending a Paperless Post invitation via text. I’m not one for email when it comes to dinner plans!
I think it’s best to choose the method of communication you use most often with your friends. For me, that’s texting. If email is the best option for you, use it!
When to send an invitation
As a general rule, the closer you are to the guests, the further away you should send the invitation. The closer you are to them, the closer you should send the invitation. If I’m gathering dates from the audience, I tend to send the invitation text a little earlier. Here are some general timelines I tend to stick to:
If I’m hosting a group of people from different friend groups, I’ll send the invitation 14-30 days in advance. If I’m hosting new friends, I’ll send the invitation 7-20 days in advance. If I’m hosting my core group of friends, I’ll send the invitation 3-14 days in advance. If I’m hosting a close friend or a couple, I’ll send the invitation 3-14 days in advance — or sometimes even the morning of the event.
Invitation templates
In the invitation, I include all the key details: date, time, guest list (if it’s not a group message), and if I have any specific plans they should know about. If I’m hosting someone I’ve never hosted before, I’ll also ask them to let me know if they have dietary restrictions so I can plan or update the menu accordingly.
Here are some examples of texts I’ve sent:
“Hi! I’m making lasagna, would you like to come over tonight? Kids are welcome.” “We haven’t cooked together in a while, let’s find a date that works for the group! I’m pretty open in September. How about the week of September 12th? I’ll have you.” “Lisa, Marlo and I are cooking together on August 6th. Would you join us at my house?” “Hi! I’d love to invite you and your husband over for dinner. We’re August 16th-17th and August 24th-18th. Are any of these dates okay for you? Kids or no kids? I’m open to either!”
Do what suits you
The only advice I can give you when it comes to planning a dinner party is to do it in a way that reflects your personality. I’m a fairly informal person, so texting and shorter timelines work for me. If you’re more formal, address the invitation in a way that makes you feel most comfortable. You probably like to make plans in advance. If you’re more type A, use Doodle to set up dates and assign people to bring something. People love being told what to do in situations like this!
When you open yourself up to connecting with others in your home over a meal, don’t be tempted to imitate Martha Stewart. The best invitations are those sent with the sincere intention of spending time together. And you won’t go wrong if every decision you make has this in mind.
Do you like this topic? Read the following posts:
Cookbook Club 101: What It Is and How to Start Your Own
7 of My Best Tips for Hosting a Dinner Party Everyone Will Enjoy
Top 8 Cookbooks to Cook From Right Now
6 Entertainment Essentials That Make Hosting Smoother
Kate is the founder of Wit & Delight. She is currently learning how to play tennis and will always be Testing the limits of her creative abilities. You can follow her on Instagram @witanddelight_.
